The Easy Road
by xdreamingnotliving
Summary: I took my own life that night. The world was a better place without me. And honestly, I wasn't scared anymore. I think death is the easy part, life is the thing that hurts. I hope he misses me, because I miss him. I miss living. -was Turning Tables- Niley
1. Starting over

**Turning Tables.**

**Prologue.**

Every year, _over__a__million_ people in the world suffer from _depression_. Every month, _over__two-hundred__thousand_ people are _murdered_. Every day, _a__**minimum**__of__twenty__thousand_ people _die_. _Every__second,__someone__takes__away__their__own__**life.**_

Those are the facts. Those are the words that are printed. Right there, in black and white, we see what the world has come to. But isn't there a line to be drawn? Should there not be a story to be told? Everyone has a story. Not everything is plain, simple, black and white. Cold, hard facts don't define what's between the lines, what's behind closed doors.

When you look at the numbers and you realise, all those people are gone, why am I still here? How am I so lucky to be alive? Here is the answer… you're not. You're not lucky. If anything, you're unlucky. You have to sit there, day after day and watch those numbers rise.

We're all unlucky, to be put in a world where we can do nothing but look at the facts, the black and white. Where all we can do is hope for a better day… But do they ever come? Are you ever going to find yourself truly happy? Without a doubt or a scary thought haunting you? Clouding up the back of your mind? I'll answer that – no.

You will never be happy. Because _happiness__is__a__lie_. There it is. In black and white. Is that what the world needs? To see it in front of their eyes? Is that what it will take? You see, when you lay in bed at night, just thinking… those thoughts you want to forget creep up on you. They dance on your skin, they play around in you head. What do you do? You probably close your eyes and let yourself drift away. You shouldn't. you've let them win.

You need to prove to be better than that. Better than the statistics, the numbers, the black and white. Because once you've got the courage to put an end to your own torture, the black and white will mean nothing to you. Nothing but a bunch of numbers. The billions of people wanting help will mean nothing. And soon enough, you'll find it.

Like I almost found it, and once you feel it… promise me you won't let it go. Wait, don't. Because we're people. We have to protect ourselves, our hearts and when you've found it, someone who can truly make you happy, let them go. Because there is someone, just one person out of the six-hundred-billion people out there, that needs that one person more.

"Honey, wake up…" I heard my mums voice. Groaning I turned over onto my side, facing the wall.

"What time is it?" I whispered, squinting as the light hit my eyes.

"Noon, you've slept the day away, sweetheart." My mother said softly, I nodded slowly.

"Okay, I'm up." I said turning over onto my back.

"That a girl." She whispered. "You're leaving today." She said, reminding me why I spent all day in bed.

"Where to?" I asked, pretending not to remember. I wish I really had forgotten though.

"You're staying with your Grandpa for the summer, remember?" She asked.

I sat up, "Almost forgot… yeah, I remember." I said pushing the covers off of me.

"It's a free hour drive, be ready in an hour." Mum said leaving the room.

After brushing my teeth, I stepped into the shower. I'd only ever met my Grandpa twice. Once at my sisters wedding and another at my Grandma's funeral. Needless to say, I didn't know him too well. I knew my Grandma better than anyone, though. I loved her. When she died, I fell apart. She was there for me through all my milestones. My first steps, first words, first day of preschool, middle school and high school, first crush and then she passed away.

One of the billions of people who died without a reason. But I know that she loved Grandpa more than anything. They were divorced, after being married for forty years, they ended it. But they stayed close friends. If you asked me, they never ended anything. She died two years after the divorce, Grandpa cried and cried. And now, Grandpa has cancer. And they don't think his going to make it.

He said before he died, he wanted to get to know his grandchildren better. He to see me be the young woman everyone believed I was. And that's how I came to be spending the summer in Florida.

Looking over my outfit, I smiled. I was wearing a large, one shoulder, grey jumper with a tank top underneath. And black skinny jeans. My hair was curled to perfection and on one side. I wasn't wearing any make up because, well, it was just Grandpa. And black flats lay on my feet.

"I'm ready." I said slinging my bag full of clothes onto my shoulder. The rest of my stuff were already in mums car. I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Great, I made breakfast." Mum said pushing a plate of pancakes towards me.

"I'm not that hungry." I said eyeing the plate doubtfully.

"Eat." She said firmly. I rolled my eyes diving into one of the pancakes. "God, where is your little brother?" Mum screamed, running her hands through her short brown hair.

"He went to Bradley's house." I sad referring to his best friend. "I thought he told you that." I recalled.

"Gosh, no." Mum said. "We'll have to pick him up on the way." She muttered.

I pushed the plate away, happy I found an excuse to stop eating. "Let's go then."

"Car keys, car keys…" Mum muttered tapping her pockets. "Where did I put them?" She asked herself.

"On the counter." I said opening the front door for her. She smiled picking them up and walking over to the door, she stopped and smiled at me.

"What would I do without you darlin'?" She said kissing my cheeks.

"Let's hit the road." I muttered.

She'd only been a single mum for three months. Dad had only left three months ago. But not before telling me I was useless, and that no one would ever want me. That's when it started.

The cutting.

I remember that Daniel wanted to start shaving, so Mum went out and bought him razors. I remember laughing at him and telling him that he was going to hurt himself because he had no facial hair. I remember him telling me to help him, and me cutting his top lip by mistake, and him crying and mum screaming and me getting grounded.

It was that night. I ran to the bathroom, and there the razor was, just laying there. Daniel's blood was still on it. And I did it. I cut the pain away. It hurt. It fucking hurt like hell, so bad. And I told myself it was stupid to put myself through pain for something I had no control over.

I remember the second time I did it. My sister got in a fight with her husband, and I was her shoulder to cry on. I didn't have a shoulder to cry on, I was hurting too… but no one cared. So I did it again, this time it didn't hurt so much.

I got past the _pain_, and the _stinging_and _the__blood_and I felt it. I felt it. I felt the _bliss_; the _pure__sensation_and _amazement_of having release. A release of all my problems. I ran out of space on my arms last week. It hurt. It hurt a lot when I did it on my stomach, it wouldn't stop bleeding. I thought I was going to die. But I cleaned the cut. Stopped the bleeding and went to bed.

When I woke up, there was blood on my sheets. Daniel had found the blood and told mum. She asked me about it. I told her it was a period stain and cleaned the sheets. I've learnt to use dark coloured sheets now.

I watched as we made our way through the city, and into the rich side of town. Mum pulled up at the huge house, as I pulled out my phone and texted my brother to come outside.

"Hey." Daniel said getting into the car.

"Hey Danno." I muttered.

Daniel, or Danno as I call him, had just turned fourteen and started high school. At first it was embarrassing, with him being a freshman and me being a sophomore. It was hard to believe that there was only a year between us, I was so short and he was practically six feet.

"Bradley is so sad that we're going away for the summer." Daniel said. "He wanted to say goodbye to you… properly." He added wiggling his eyebrows down at me.

"Ew." I said. If you haven't noticed by now, Daniel is my best friend. He acts like my big brother even though his my little one. His a heart throb, ladies love him. He thinks his like – Mick Jagger, and his a total dick about it, but a 'hot' one – ew. "Bradley's like twelve." I muttered.

"Didn't stop you from kissing him last year." Danno teased.

"He kissed me! And it was for a play." I said.

We spent the rest of the ride shooting comments at each other, I leaned my head on his shoulder, falling asleep.

In my dreams the same thing happened. when people ask you, what did you dream about? Some people reply with things like 'being famous', 'meeting prince charming' or even 'becoming rich'. My dreams were none existent. I saw pitch black everyday. Nothing ever changed.

"Miles, wake up.." I heard Danno's voice.

"Leave her to sleep." I heard mum say. "Take the bags inside, then come back out for her." Mum said as she knocked on the door.

"Lisa!" I heard my Grandpa's voice say… or at least I thought it was him.

"Oh Dad." Mum said. And then I heard silence, I'm guessing they were hugging.

"Is this little Daniel?" Grandpa said.

"Not so little anymore, huh Grandpa?" Daniel said in his deep voice. That was him, charming his way through life.

"Come give your old Grandpa a hug." I heard Grandpa's voice. Oh no, Daniel does not like to be touched. At all. Sometimes, he even cringes when his teachers touch him.

I was surprised when I heard mum say, "Aww… Miley's sleeping in the car, poor girls not felt well at all today." I heard her explain my absence.

"Let me drop these bags, then I'll bring her in." Daniel said.

"Good lad." I heard Grandpa's gruff voice say.

"Miles, I'm going to take you inside okay?" I heard Daniel said, and then his arms were around my waist and I was on his hip, like a little girl. He lifted me with ease.

I loved it when he picked me up, it made me feel careless, like I was a little girl again. But I never told him that.

"Mmmm." I muttered.

"She's gorgeous, just like her mother." I heard Grandpa's voice say. "There's a room upstairs, sorry guys, I usually live on my own. I hope you two don't mind sharing." He said.

"It's okay." Daniel said walking up the stairs. He opened the door. And placed me onto a bed. He turned to leave.

I sighed as I heard the door close.

Six hundred billion people in the world. And I still felt so alone.

**A girl I follow on twitter tweeted that she wanted to die. She uploaded pictures of her scarred wrists and she was crying. I told her that she was beautiful and that no one deserves the terrible suffering she was going through. I want to inspire people, and make a stop to self-harm and depression. One person at a time. Please. I don't even care about reviews on this story.**

**Because honestly, as long as people are reading this. And understanding how serious depression is and how so many people, including myself, suffer from it and don't understand how serious it is. Just take some time, out of your life, to read and review. I really want to send this message across.**

**Jasmine.**


	2. Faking smiles

It's funny how you can put your everything into a relationship with someone who can give you so little in return. Actually, no it's not so funny. It hurts, doesn't it? It leaves you feeling worthless, lost, and sick to your stomach. You resort to whatever you can to make it stop. Whatever that shall be. I smiled at the wave pulling onto the beach from my seat on Grandpa's rocking chair on the front porch. I felt someone open the front door and put a plate down on the table beside me.

"Breakfast, you've been out here a while I thought you might be hungry." Daniel said putting his hand on my shoulder. I turned around and faced him, my blue eyes meeting his hazel ones. He had dad's eyes, I hated that.

"Thanks Danno." I whispered looking at the toast. I smiled dryly when I noticed that it was mostly black, although he hid it well under a fat blob of butter. "What? You thought you'd put a slap of butter on it and I wouldn't notice it was burnt to the crust?" I asked, my voice coming out dryly.

"It was worth a shot, right?" He asked laughing lightly. "I was trying to be nice."

"I know, you're a nice kid." I laughed lightly. "Too nice, in fact." I said turning to face him. He ran his hands through his ginger hair, he looked down at me.

"Grandpa's in the living room, he really wants to see you." He said sitting on the arm of the chair.

"Fat chance." I said putting on my dark sunglasses.

"Why do you hate him?" Danno asked.

"It's not your fight Daniel, just… leave me to eat my toast, yeah?" I said smiling at him.

"You're not going to eat it. It's not safe." Daniel joked causing my to smile. "And besides, you hardly eat." He said looking at me.

I rolled my eyes, "Don't be stupid."

It was easy. Lying. It was too easy. So easy that it felt wrong. You know, because when something's good and you want it you have to try hard for it and be rewarded but now… I could just lie my way out of things. It was too simple. But it wasn't. I was covering up something so… not simple. So deep that I couldn't dig myself out of it.

I closed my eyes, waiting for Daniel to leave. I knew he would. They all did. Left, without so much as a word. I remembered it clearly, I was thirteen when the fighting started. Daniel was only eleven, about to turn twelve when _he_hit her. I remember her laying there, crying on the floor. I remember him apologising and hugging her tightly, and kissing her, and trying to fix it. That's what they called him. The proud father and husband, mister fix it. But he couldn't fix it, could he? Obviously not because now Mum's a single parent of two stupid teenagers, who are probably the most messed up pair of people on earth in this current second.

I heard the front door close, he was gone. I opened my eyes, someone was walking towards the house. They got into view. I remember thinking he was beautiful. He was. He had long luscious curls on his head, they were really long – it looked like he didn't cut them. His chocolate brown eyes were squinted really tight because of the sun beaming down on us. His hands were stuffed into the pocket of his board shorts, I hated them. He was wearing a loose smile on his face, he stopped when he saw me.

"You must be… Miley." He said smiling at me.

I rolled my eyes in a joking way, I liked strangers. Strangers didn't ask questions, because they didn't care. They didn't want to know you. And this guy, who ever he was… wasn't asking questions. So that was good, for now.

"Yeah, I'd like to say I know who you are…" I muttered looking down at my fingers.

"Yeah, it's alright. He doesn't remember much anyway, I'm Nicholas." He said putting his hand out for me to shake.

I stared at it. After a few moments when he noticed that I wasn't going to shake it, he put it down at his side awkwardly. He bit his lip, looking behind me, into the house.

"Is… you grandpa home?" He asked.

"He should be in his room." I replied.

"That's good, then you can come with me." He said pulling me up.

"Who are you?" I asked pulling away from him.

"Your tour guide. Come on, Florida's a beautiful place, you cant miss it by sitting on that old rocking chair all summer. It aint going anywhere – trust me." Nicholas said dragging me behind him.

"Where are we going?" I said pulling my sleeves down and stopping my walk short.

"You aren't exactly dressed for a swim, so I'm taking you to my place first… you can borrow my sisters suit." He said smiling at me.

"I can swim where I live. What makes the water here so special?" I asked glaring at him.

"It has mermaids in it." He said staring at me.

I stared at him for a few moments, before realising he was serious. I never laughed so hard.

"Really? Mermaids? That's the best you can do." I said crossing my arms.

"You know, your grandpa said you were anti social, you seem pretty social to me." He said putting his hands back into his pocket. I shrugged.

"I'm quiet. There's nothing wrong with that." I muttered walking next to him.

"Not at all." He said smiling at me. "I know it's hard, with your dad leaving you guys and all… my mum left my family a while ago too." He said looking out at the water. "It was hard, but we got over it. We're happier like this." He said looking down at me.

I frowned, my lips forming a tight line. He had no right. No right. How could he judge my family? He didn't know nothing about us. He didn't know about how we were falling apart without a fatherly figure around. Sure, his family was on the mend. Good for him, whoever he was. but my family, we were a train wreck. He bit his lip, a look of worry on his face. I stopped walking glaring at him.

"My family's falling apart. My mums a mess, my sisters marriage is one heartbreak after another, my little brother has become the father of my family and his breaking. He doesn't show it, but he is. He puts on this big strong 'I'll be the man' face, but he's falling apart. Maybe I'm just being negative, but I refuse to let my family take the wrap for something… that man did. No matter what happens, I'm going to make him pay." I hissed at him. I didn't even noticed I was crying until I felt him wipe my eyes.

"It's hard, I know. My family didn't mend for months, but hey? We did it." He smiled at me.

"Yeah, maybe you did. But we can't." I said walking away from him.

I cut again, that night. Not that anyone noticed. But I felt happier after I did it, maybe that was it… my release.

**Decided that I will finish this story after all. Because the powerful meaning behind it is still there. If you guys haven't heard, which I highly doubt, Selena's mum had a miscarriage, which is really devastating for them. I hope you guys are praying for their whole family to feel better. So this chapter was sort of a release of all my anger to… life I guess. I think I have the right to be angry. And guys, one favour I ask of you?**

**There's a girl on twitter. NileyWillBeBack, and she's planning on committing suicide on the 19th of December. Please tweet her, you don't even have to tell her not to kill herself, just tell her it gets better. Please. I've been trying for months now, but she really wants to take her own life. No one in her home, or her friends knows about it. She's really depressed. I think if we all tweeted her on the 19th or on the 18th whichever, we could at least put a smile on her face. If it's her last one… or if she decides not to go through with it. I _beg_of you.**

**Jasmine.**


	3. Falling apart

Daniel smiled at me as I entered the house, only for his smile to disappear seconds later. He stopped me, mid-walk and placed his hands on my shoulders. Gosh, I hated doing this to him. I was ruining his childhood; I was taking it away from him. I was making him look after me. I knew how it felt, having to be the parent, it sucked. I didn't want to do this to him, but I couldn't hold back. I sobbed into his chest, he didn't say anything. Most of the time he didn't say anything, he just held me until I fell asleep.

He rocked me side to side, just like dad used to do when I was little. Daniel was the one person in the world who understood. He picked me up, wrapped my legs around his lean waist and began walking up the stairs. I opened my mouth to object, but he just looked at me. I closed it again, closing my eyes and burying my face deeper into his chest.

He peeled back the blankets on my bed, placing me in. He stood beside the bed for a moment, staring at me. I closed my eyes, sobbing. I heard him sigh, then before I knew it, the bed beside me had sunk down and he was cuddling me tightly. I hugged his frame. He made me feel safe, he was the perfect baby brother, and I was a horrible big sister.

"It will get better you know?" He whispered kissing my forehead. I didn't reply, so he just kept talking. "Brittany called while you were out; she wanted to talk to you. She's been talking to mum and they're going to make sure… it will get better." He said running his hand through my hair. I sniffled, hugging him.

"I'm a terrible big sister; I shouldn't put you through this. I'm sorry, Danno." I whispered.

He didn't reply. He just held me tightly. I don't know when I fell asleep, but I woke up to Daniel on the phone. He was pacing around the room, running his hands through his hair.

"I can't tell her. It'll crush her." He said biting his lip. He turned to look at me, my eyes shut quickly. I didn't want him to know I was awake.

"She's crushed, Mum. She's falling apart – Dad really hurt her. If I tell her… she'll never forgive you." Daniel said sitting on the end of the bed. He was silent for a moment, like Mum was talking to him.

"Mum, just… let her talk to Brittany first, okay?" Daniel said. "Okay, goodnight." He said hanging up.

He was silent for a moment, before he threw his phone across the room. He began to scream, standing up her kicked the wall repeatedly. I opened my eyes, a tear falling down my face. He was breaking. He punched the wall, causing a huge dent. Grandpa ran into the room, placing his hands on Daniels back. Daniel turned around and face Grandpa.

"Grandpa, everything's just so darn wrong!" He said sobbing and falling to the floor.

Grandpa sat beside him, rubbing his back. "Calm down, son." He whispered.

"I can't even look at myself anymore, you know? It makes me sick. I'm the spitting image of a man I hate and Miley can't bare to look at me either. She hasn't said it, but I know it! I can tell. She came home crying today, you know? And I didn't know what to do… I lied to her. I just – I don't know what to do anymore." Daniel sobbed.

I sat up slowly, walking over. I ignored Grandpa staring at me. I sat down on the other side of Daniel.

"You know, you weren't lying… it will get better." I whispered looking up at him.

"Your sister's right about something, for once. You just listen to her; she isn't ever going to leave you." Grandpa said smiling weakly at me.

I hugged Daniel tightly, he nuzzled his face into my neck. I didn't care that his tears were soaking my shirt, I just held him like that. I faced Grandpa who smiled weakly at me. I returned the smile, as he faded out of the room.

"Danno, you know you can tell me anything right?" I asked pulling away from him.

"Yeah, Miles… but I honestly don't think I should tell you right now. You're fragile." He said rubbing my arm up and down.

I rolled my eyes leaning against the wall, "You got quite angry there, is it worth it?" I asked.

"Miles, I'm taking care of you." He said picking me up and sitting me down on my bed. "We both know that you need me, and I won't ever let Dad hurt you again. Even if it means that I have to keep things from you." Daniel said kissing my forehead and walking out of the room.

I felt sick after that. Not physically, but mentally. My head was spinning with thoughts, those type of thoughts that people only thought when they were sick with themselves. I felt tears blur my vision, I had to be strong. That was life. I saw Daniel's phone light up, I walked over to it slowly. Checking the caller ID I wiped my eyes, sucking my breath into my mouth before answering it.

"Brittany?" I said hopefully.

Brittany was probably the only person in the family who wasn't affected by Dad leaving us. She had her perfect childhood, so good on her. She got sent off to the big wide world and made something of herself. It didn't turn out that way for all of us, right?

"Miles, are you okay?" She asked worriedly.

She was too nice, that's what her problem was. Her husband walked all over her, because she was too blind to see he was a loser. He was the kind of rude, tough guy who cracked jokes about serious things, like Dad leaving.

"Never been better, how's Mum?" I muttered.

"She's been better, you know. Don't worry about her, she knows how to take care of herself." Brittany said. Then there was a silence. Brittany sighed into the phone. "Is Daniel there?" She asked impatiently.

"Sure, let me call him." I whispered walking out of the room. I walked down the staircase and found him sitting next to Grandpa in front of the TV and near the fireplace. "Danno, it's Brit." I said handing him the phone, he smiled at me. It wasn't his normal smile, but a small one.

I walked out of the room, putting on my converse and throwing a jacket over my frame as it was chilly outside. I opened the front door, slipping out and stepping onto the sand. The sun wasn't as bright as it was when I was out there earlier. It was sunset now, and the beach wasn't as crowded. I hugged myself walking down the shore. I saw familiar curls sprinting towards me, looking down I pretended I didn't see him coming.

"You ran off before I could apologise this morning." Nicholas said walking beside me.

"Yeah, I do that a lot." I whispered looking out at the water.

"You've been crying, I feel terrible." He said looking down at me.

"No, don't feel bad. I cry a lot, I'm not as tough as I come off to be." I muttered.

We walked in silence for a long time, until I got to tired and sat down. I closed my eyes, resting my head on my knees. He sat beside me, I looked at him, pushing my hair out of my face.

"I used to… I used to blame myself for my Mum walking out on my family. You know, I didn't talk to her as much as I talked to other people in my family. And she was the last one to find out about my – situation." Nicholas said looking out at the water.

"What?" I asked.

"I used to feel so bad about myself, I'd carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. I resorted to stupid things like cutting, and drugs and stuff that aren't the answer. Then my sister found out… and she flipped and made me get help. I didn't think I need it; but I did, I really did." Nicholas said showing me his wrist. "I wear lots of wrists bands and stuff because the scars haven't completely faded yet." He whispered.

I saw the tears in his eyes as he looked out at the water. When it fell, I don't know what came over me. But I reached out and wiped the falling tear right off of his face.

"Don't cry. Everyone does stupid things." I whispered.

"I know you cut. I saw the marks when we were talking earlier, I just don't understand why…" He replied looking at me.

"Either do I." I said standing up and walking away from him.

I turned back around half way, and saw him walking in the opposite direction. He stopped when a small, pale, thin black haired girl walked up to him. She talked to him for a what seemed like forever, before he put his arm around her and they both walked inside. That was his sister, I was guessing. They looked similar, the same eyes and freckles. She was just much paler and had darker hair. She looked gothic, dressed in all black. They looked weird standing next to each other, him dressed in laid back surfer attire and her in serious dark gothic dress.

I walked back inside, frowning as I saw all the lights were turned out. I walked up the stairs and into me and Daniels room. He was sitting on his bed. He smiled down at me weakly.

"You know, sometimes you just disappear – maybe you should take me with you next time." He said smirking.

"Maybe I will." I whispered getting into bed and falling asleep.

**Just wrote this, I don't know what I think of it though. Tell me if you're feeling this story, I feel like this story doesn't have enough people who really understand what I'm trying to do. But I still write it because for those of you that do, you make me feel like writing and updating.**

**Have a good Christmas!**

**Jasmine.**


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